Published August 4th, 2008
in Life.
This is where I usually complain about something that has happened, dissect it a thousand different ways, and then make empty promises about doing things differently. I could talk about how people I considered friends betrayed that trust, how all I saw this weekend was back-biting, vicious rumors, and hurt feelings. Instead, I’m not going to do any of that today.
The time has come to stop making excuses and to take action. I’m simplifying my life, removing as much unnecessary distraction as possible, so I can devote my time to doing what I really want. I want to spend time bettering myself. I want to spend what little time I have with Orpheus left having fun instead of leaving him home alone all the time. I want to spend quality time with the people who are truly my friends as opposed to those that just give it lip service. It’s time I realized that you can give of yourself all you want, but if you get little to nothing in return, it’ll never happen and all you’re doing is wasting time. It’s time I realized that I can’t be everyone’s friend, and that if I want something I should go after it instead of waiting for it to come to me. And finally, it’s time to stop thinking about it all and actually do something about it.
Published July 31st, 2008
in Life.
So it’s been said that the truth will set you free. And as I’ve said many times before, I’ll always try to be truthful to both myself and those I care most about. So why is it that nothing turns my stomach to knots more than opening up and telling someone what’s truly on my mind? On the positive side, when you feel like someone’s punched you a few times in the gut you lose your appetite, so it can only help with that whole weight loss goal.
Continue reading ‘I got something to say, you know, but nothing comes’
Published July 30th, 2008
in Life.
I’m not a big believer in the concepts of good and evil - for one, it’s entirely relative to the observer. For another, there are very few times when life is black or white. But if there’s anything truly good and noble, it would be the act of compassion. The giving of one’s time and energy to help someone or something in need. It’s easy to be selfish - the rewards are instantaneous, and as long as you can live with the consequences, you’re fine. But the karmic returns on compassion can sometimes take a lifetime to fully be realized, but in the end, the simple act can be the reward itself.
Continue reading ‘On compassion’
Published July 25th, 2008
in Life.
Artificial intelligence has always been one of those fascinating subjects for me. Coming from a technical background, I have a better appreciation for what’s really going on in the background. Hollywood would have you think you can just stick a really powerful processor into a machine, and the next thing you know it’s coping with emotions and pondering the notion of God and it’s place in the universe. Or, you know, wiping out humanity in a nuclear hellstorm or plugging us in as batteries. But here’s the thing. Computers, when you get right down to it, are nothing but extremely advanced light switches. They’re either on, or off. True or false, yes or no, 1 or 0. The computer might crash at the most inopportune time, taking with it that spreadsheet you’ve been working on for the last four hours, but it’s not like the system decided to wait. It just happened. Hardware fails, bugs exist. While the computer may have put a 1 in place when it should have put a 0 causing the whole ball of wax to come crumbling down, it didn’t decide to do that.
Continue reading ‘You live so that means you can love’
Published July 9th, 2008
in Life.
I’ve got to get better about updating this thing. So much going on, that when I finally want to talkabout something, there’s a few days of backstory that lead into it. So here’s the quick and dirty of the last week or so.
Continue reading ‘Butterflies in my stomach? Try Mothra…’
Published June 29th, 2008
in Life.
So a very good and dear friend of mine decided I needed an ass-kicking today, and god bless her for it. Sometimes it takes someone who’s close to you and care about you to take you aside and let you know you’re head’s not on straight. And per my last post, that was pretty damn obvious. It’s one of those things where I know what I’m donig wrong, and I know what I’m supposed to do to not make those same mistakes over and over, but I keep making them nonetheless. I allowed myself to be restrained by my own insecurities, and no one can ever grow when they do that.
Continue reading ‘An ass-kicking well deserved’
Published June 28th, 2008
in Life.
I’m starting to think I’m cursed. Now, don’t get me wrong, I cherish all my good friends and it’s always a good day when I can add someone to that list. But just once, I’d like to meet a beautiful, intelligent, vibrant, funny, awesome gal and -not- have her view me as “just a friend”. Maybe I’m giving off some sort of vibe or something. I don’t know, whatever it is needs to stop. Because there’s no worse feeling in the world than sitting across from someone that you’re falling for and have them tell you that you’re like the brother they never had.
Continue reading ‘I may be mad, I may be blind, I may be viciously unkind’
Published June 25th, 2008
in Life.
So I’ve met this really awesome lady a few weeks ago - sharp as a tack, sexy as hell, and when I’m with her, time just seems to disappear. I was at her home last night helping to fix her computer, got to meet her family, and just hang out. And was surprised how normal it felt. It’s been the weird but nice thing about it - that I feel so completely comfortable around her. And with all my little failures here and there, I’m hoping to have learned my lessons from the past so I don’t mess up this time.
I’m definitely just going to enjoy the ride. I don’t know what her feelings are, but I’ve got a pretty good idea that I think she’s equally as interested. When she smiles at me, it’s the kind that you can see in her entire face. And of course, there was the little freudian slip while she was on the phone with a friend talking about what she was doing that night, and when she brought up the subject of me, she said “My Tim is over here fixing my computer”, then laughed, smiled, and corrected herself by adding the word friend to it. Yeah, I know, little things, but it’s those sorts of things that you build on. The problem, of course, is deciding when and where to take next steps. Again, I think it’s just time to relax and enjoy the ride. I’m sure the time will present itself shortly. In the mean time, I’m going to have fun with the dance and see where the road takes me.
Published June 17th, 2008
in Life.
While I had a lot of fun this weekend, including hanging out with good friends and yet another late night/early morning Friday (starting to become a very odd habit), I started to notice near the end of it that it was becoming increasingly more difficult to maintain a smile on my face. I don’t know if it was exhaustion, or if I was suffering from a thousand little emotional papercuts. You know, the kind of thing that if it was the only thing would just be a minor stress point, but when you’re dealing with a bunch of them the problem just seems bigger. It’s that classic case where you know something’s wrong but you can’t identify the cause. It’s a feeling where i know there’s something better out there for me, but it’s just not arrived yet.
Continue reading ‘I am leaving, I am leaving, but the fighter still remains’
Published June 13th, 2008
in Life.
Someone put all of Queen’s major albums (not counting all the Greatest Hits and other collections) online in one big ass file. Thanks for filling in the holes I had in my collection, dude! Starting at the grungy minimalist self titled album, through their odd disco-inspired album, the Flash Gordon soundtrack, through along with the “No Synthesizers Included” albums (even though they did), up to their final album recorded while Freddie was in the final stages of AIDS. I’m one happy camper. Even though I was a long-hair headbanger in high school, Queen was and remains my absolute favorite band. I wish I could sing with half the talent that Freddie had, and if I had three wishes, one would be the ability to play like Brian May. I can associate just about all the major events in my life from high school up til now with at least one Queen song. Anyway, it’s Friday, I should be asleep so I get enough rest to drive to and from Austin tonight. Fun fun!
