You ever have one of those days where nothing seems to go right? Mine was this evening, where all hell broke loose at work, and we were all making one bad move after another. Couple that with the fact that this entire month hasn’t be spectacular - got accused of doing something I didn’t, Christmas is approaching and all that makes me think of is family and my lack thereof, personal life is kinda stalled out.. bah!
Here in the states, we’ve just celebrated a day dedicated to giving thanks for all that we have received and for those we hold dear in our hearts. It’s the start of the holiday season, an odd mash of both secular and religious. We look forward to the end of the calendar year, giving and receiving presents, spending time with our families and loved ones. People celebrate the birth of their savior, light candles in remembrance for 8 days, honor sacrifices made, and enjoy the fruits of the harvest. It’s a time when the earth goes to sleep, a symbolic death that will result in a reawakening during the spring - the end of one cycle and the beginning of the next. No matter what your religious beliefs, it’s a time of deep meaning.
Even after the anger, it all turned silent, and the everyday turned solitary
Published October 27th, 2008 in Life. 0 CommentsIt’s been just about a month since my last post, and my how things have changed yet stayed the same. In fact, the only thing that has really changed is me. To be more precise, the more idealistic view I’ve had of the world has changed. I’ve always known there was, for lack of a better term, evil in the world - greed, lust, malice, all that seven deadly sin business wrapped up in a 6-billion strong human antpile. But part of me also believed strongly in a code that all people shared, a kind of honor among thieves. That if you treat people the way you want to be treated, you’ll get that in return, that you can trust those closest to you to be honest as long as you are in turn honest with them. And after many years of fighting it, I’ve come to the realization that dreams are nice, but sometimes you have to live in reality.
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The one question I consistently hear from people I know goes along the lines of “How do you do it?” They’re referring to my completely screwed up sleep schedule. To give you an idea, this weekend, while not completely typical, shows the joys of trying to combine a fulfilling social life with a third shift work schedule.
Thieves, thieves and liars, murderers, hypocrites and bastards
Published August 18th, 2008 in Life. 0 CommentsIf you’re reading this blog, then you obviously have an e-mail address. And that e-mail address has, chances are, received innumerable forwards from friends, relatives, and others who decide in their infinite wisdom to fill our mailboxes with junk. It’s bad enough that our addresses get sold to spam lists. But then those who have your best interests at heart join in the fun by sending every joke, picture, video, and list that they receive. It’s basically a virus that doesn’t infect your system, because human beings are the culprits.
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I recently got confirmation on something I already knew - the old “just friends” strikes again. And while it was disappointing, in a way it was liberating. Because I realized that, while I was hoping for another outcome, I was okay with it. It’s not like I’m losing that person from my life. I can’t fault her for the decision - I’ve been in situations where someone is interested in you but you don’t feel the same way, as well as staying with someone you longer care for romantically because you feel it’s the right thing to do, and there’s just no forcing it. You either feel it or you don’t. Things might change - but I’m happy that I at least took the step to find out how she felt and can move on with no regrets. In the mean time, I’ve got a pretty awesome friend who honestly cares about my feelings and wants the best for me. You can’t put a price tag on that.
This is where I usually complain about something that has happened, dissect it a thousand different ways, and then make empty promises about doing things differently. I could talk about how people I considered friends betrayed that trust, how all I saw this weekend was back-biting, vicious rumors, and hurt feelings. Instead, I’m not going to do any of that today.
The time has come to stop making excuses and to take action. I’m simplifying my life, removing as much unnecessary distraction as possible, so I can devote my time to doing what I really want. I want to spend time bettering myself. I want to spend what little time I have with Orpheus left having fun instead of leaving him home alone all the time. I want to spend quality time with the people who are truly my friends as opposed to those that just give it lip service. It’s time I realized that you can give of yourself all you want, but if you get little to nothing in return, it’ll never happen and all you’re doing is wasting time. It’s time I realized that I can’t be everyone’s friend, and that if I want something I should go after it instead of waiting for it to come to me. And finally, it’s time to stop thinking about it all and actually do something about it.
So it’s been said that the truth will set you free. And as I’ve said many times before, I’ll always try to be truthful to both myself and those I care most about. So why is it that nothing turns my stomach to knots more than opening up and telling someone what’s truly on my mind? On the positive side, when you feel like someone’s punched you a few times in the gut you lose your appetite, so it can only help with that whole weight loss goal.
Continue reading ‘I got something to say, you know, but nothing comes’